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In the angsty words of a nu-metal band from the death-throes of the last millennium, “It’s been a while”.

I knew I was going to hit a speedbump sooner rather than later with the blog, and the website in general.
Knew I was hitting too much of a stride, and the universe was leaving me alone a little longer than usual. I knew I was due.

And boy did the universe deliver.

Ye olde shove it in and break it off, is what happened.

Basically: I’m dealing with some parental-alienation stuff with my oldest and, recently, I was served with court papers telling me we we’re going to court because they (mom, kiddo and mom’s mom… I know, real healthy) want to revoke my rights as a father. I have representation now. We’re going through the motions. We’re currently in the dissection-period. I expect to get dragged across glass, but honestly… it’s nothing I’m not already very used to.

If I wasn’t working so damn hard on my mental and emotional resiliency, all this villainizing might’ve actually gotten to me by now. I might’ve started believing it and fully gotten lost in the expectation of negativity.

Therapy, medication, proper rest, proper diet, exercise, mindfulness, grace and accountability. That’s me. That’s what I’ve been up to. And I plan to keep it up.

I’m doing the work. I’m showing up. I’m a devoted husband, equal partner, dedicated father, hard worker, passionate creative.

All the other shit that’s being thrown my way… it’s just that: shit. Shit from a slow-witted, feckless chimp repeating a shitty cycle.

So, that said, we’re getting back on track with this. With the blog, but most importantly, the website/portfolio.

Gearing up on a kids book too. Going full-bore on the watercolors for that one. Might actually learn a technique or two by the end of it.

Oh, yeah… I also got the digital tablet hooked up to a computer that can handle it and the illustration software, so we might be back on the digital art train soon. I still think I’m going to focus more on the traditional art side of things, but it’s nice to be able to scan stuff in and tweak it a bit here and there. It’s going to make printing original stuff a lot easier, that’s for sure.

I feel like a retired boxer getting back into the ring after not exercising for close to a decade. I might get rocked, but at least I can say I tried. So, we’ll see where all this goes.

Lastly: If you’re not watching Peacemaker on HBO Max, you’re missing out on something special. There was a full-blown orgy in the first episode of the 2nd season. An eagle fucking SLOW-WALKED towards the camera in the second episode after wrecking everyone’s shit. James Gunn and friends are killing it and I can’t wait what else the DCEU has to offer.

DC’s Absolute Universe books are really good reads. So far so good. They’re swinging for the fences on this one and holy crap are they knocking it out of the park. Start with the Absolute Power event and go from there. It’s great.

Marvel, while somewhat returning to form with the Fantastic Four movie, seems to still be struggling to bring everyone back to that place we were collectively in around the Avengers: Infinity War/Endgame times.
Their answers might be in the pages of their comics though. The Ultimate Marvel Universe reintroduction and reshaping by The Maker, (a twisted version of Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic) is phenomenal re-entry point for anyone that may have dropped off the books and it’s a fun intro for new readers.

In other words, it’s still a good time to be a nerd. Just not a good time to be an American.

I think that’s a whole ‘nother blog though. A much angrier one.

We’ll stop here, while we’re still ahead. Have a great night/day and be cool to yourself.
-Raf (The Mercenary Artist)

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3rd one. Wild.
(Eventually, I won’t bring up which blog # this is, but for now, it’s still a novel thing to me.)

Just more updates to the website. More sketchbook stuff. More improvement.

Catching up on Black Mirror too. That’s a show the world isn’t fully ready to embrace. Even my wife steers clear. And she watches Handmaid’s Tale. The show is so in-your-face it’s exactly the kind of thing I would enjoy.
Making my way through season 4. Loving every second of it. Even the uncomfortable stuff. It’s just so… NOW. and not.
Anyway, progress… we’re in the midst of it. It’s happening right the fk now. Seems a little tedious and normal??? I mean, what’s up with that?!
Feels like it should be some Earth-shattering thing, but no… it’s just THIS: COMFORT.
Is that why it feels so foreign? Because feeling at-ease feels so far from what my normal is?

Therapy is going great. Re-framing my perception on life. Building better habits. Building positive routines. That’s the next big thing.

Oh, sht… almost forgot: I saw Dead & Co. at The Sphere in Las Vegas! It was AMAZING. I completely GET the draw of The Grateful Dead now. There was not an instance at the concert (pretty much that entire day) where I felt hyper-vigilant or on-edge even.
Suffice to say, I’ve been listening to a RIDICULOUS amount of The Grateful Dead as of late. This is not a bad thing. Quite the opposite.

I think we’re good for now. Stay tuned for more updates. We’ll see where we go from here…

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Blog post #2! And only a month after the last one! I am on a roll. Seriously, this is progress. This is what progress looks like.

If I was on here pushing content EVERY SINGLE DAY, that would not be progress; That would be unchecked/untreated mental-illness. If I was on here putting something new up every day:
1. I would run out of content REAL QUICK.
2. It would set expectations WAY TOO HIGH.
3. You would get sick of me.
4. I would get sick of me.
5. Diminishing returns.

All that said: here I am again! Got some new art I wanna share! It’s mostly just sketchbooks stuff, but it’s still SOMETHING.

This website is as much for any audience that cares to look to enjoy, as it is for me to just keep myself somewhat productive and accountable.

The current art-quandary is this: Do I lean in to the more abstract or refocus and strengthen my life-drawing? (Anatomy and whatnot)

I keep feeling that if I lean too hard towards one, my strengths in the other will atrophy. But, then again, that could be my janky “all-or-nothing” way of thinking that I’m trying to improve upon. Maybe it’s more holistic than I give the process credit?

I mean, it’s not like if you learn to skateboard, you automatically start to suck at riding your bike.

That’s the cool thing about art, though… if something isn’t vibin’ with you at this current moment in your life, you can always switch it up. You can always switch mediums or go into a completely different style to stretch those creative-muscles a bit.

I wish I could play guitar. (Sorry, random ADHD thought)

Anyway… I should be posting some new art in the sketchbook section of the website and HOPEFULLY, I can finish the portfolio section, finally. (Who knew you get all up in your head about the first impressions you’ll be giving folks, artistically?)

Looking forward to that.

What’s The Merc watching?

Currently watching Daredevil: Born Again and that opening sequence was ABSOLUTE CINEMA (insert Martin Scorsese meme here). It’s waaay more brutal than I thought Disney would go. We’ll see how the rest plays out…

Also, catching up on a great show (that may have only gotten 2 seasons) called Tokyo Vice on HBO/MAX. It’s got the Baby Driver guy as the lead playing an American working as a Japanese journalist trying to take down organized crime alongside a cop played by Ken Watanabe. And it’s set in the 90’s. Very cool, very well-made.

I’m also watching The Last of Us season 2. I’ve played the games, so I know what I’m in for, but holy-hell do they keep impressing me with this show. That second episode of season 2 was on the level of a Game of Thrones season-finale event. I was fully engrossed in the survival of not just Ellie and Joel, but now Dina, Tommy and the entirety of Jackson.

If you’re not watching it, you’re missing out on some amazing traumatizing television.

Lastly… I finally got around to watching Sergio Corbucci’s Il Grande Silenzio (The Great Silence). Late 60’s revisionist Spaghetti-Western that may be one of the bleakest, most brutal Westerns I have ever seen. Klaus Kinsky is his usual unhinged self in this film as the villain. The protagonist is a mute gunslinger called “Silence”. This is the same guy that made the original Django film. So, you know you’re in for some intense Western stuff. Oh, and it’s in the snow. So that’s nice.

That’s pretty much it for now. Thanks for reading!

Catch you next time, same Merc blog, same-ish Merc-time (next month).

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I deleted all my social media accounts. Mostly. I still use Reddit, Youtube and on occasion, Rednote. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I realized how much of my time and energy I was just dumping directly into social media. I was ready to take it all back. Facebook, gone. Instagram, gone. Tiktok, gone. Twitter (or that letter of the alphabet that most closely resembles a swastika), don’t think I ever used it. If I did, I completely forgot.

Anyway, my life has improved SIGNIFICANTLY. I seem to have so much more time and energy for the things that matter in my life: my kids, my wife, my family, my art, my job, and video games. (I just got a PS5… please send help. And snacks.)

I can’t tell you enough how much I DON’T miss arguing with random morons or getting near-homicidal over some dumb video or opinion online. Or getting bombarded by ads trying to sell me crap I absolutely did not need or an image that did not appeal to me whatsoever.

I guess I should be thanking that orange fecal-stain and his South African Cringe-Beast Billionaire Caretaker for helping me make the long-overdue move off of social media. Then again, I can think of hundreds of other things I’d rather say or do to them before “thanks” even crossed my mind.

Anyway… I’ll be updating this website here and there. Hopefully, more frequently than not. I’m trying to get into better habits. Been going to therapy and dealing with heavy stuff I’ve been needing to confront, and things are going well. I get positive feedback from folks in my life telling me they see a difference. I feel like I’m improving in every aspect of my life.

It’s still a journey though. One I hope you’ll join me on.

I’ll, hopefully, be posting on this blog as regular updates. If not, I got bigger fish to fry and I’ll get around to it when I get around to it.

This is going longer than I anticipated. Thanks for reading!

-Raf